Thursday, July 9th, 2009...12:12 pm
It’s a Sinead O’Connor kind of day, man.
Any morning that starts with an 8-foot pee trail across my living room from a 16-pound schnauzer puppy (whose only talent is to pee undetected while walking across an entire room) is bound to lead to a day that is more than slightly off.
Today is that day.
After scrubbing up the puppy wee (and tearfully begging him to please, please stop weeing in the house, for the love of all things holy), I was five minutes late for work. I scuttled in with wet hair and I may have forgotten deodorant.
Now, I’m in my office listening to Sinead O’Connor and wishing I was 20 again, still in college, full of hope and promise, and truly convinced my life would be incredible. I was certain then that time and age would make me beautiful, successful, finally thin, and incredibly, disgustingly happy. But, as Don Henley and The Eagles said in “Lyin’ Eyes,” “Ain’t it funny how your new life didn’t change things/She’s still the same old girl she used to be.” Amen, brothers.
Do we ever really change? I mean, I’m certainly crabbier than I was at 20. I worry more. I feel less sure of myself, but more willing to speak. But, am I fundamentally a different person? If I met 20-year-old me today, would I recognize her? Would I like her?
Sometimes, I feel exactly the same and I get sad when I realize how much is different and how much of my life is already gone. I miss hope and my younger willingness to imagine and have faith in better tomorrows and years down the road. Is it possible I am still those things underneath so much acquired crabbiness? Do I have to cheat on my rich, elderly husband, as in The Eagles song, to get the original me back? (Note: I don’t have a husband, rich, elderly or otherwise…that was a joke.)
I’m afraid these are too many questions for a Thursday afternoon. I have miles to go and promises to keep, and bean salad to eat. Sing it, Sinead. Sigh.
5 Comments
July 10th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I hope you’re feeling better today and puppy pee did not ruin this morning. If it makes you feel any better, from the far, far end of my spectrum, I may be crabbier than I was at 20, maybe more cynical and certainly far less naive, but I wouldn’t go back there for anything! I’m sooo much more confident and self assured. Doesn’t mean my life is any bowl of cherries by any means, but I can so do without the anxiety over what the future holds. Okay, I do miss outrunning my man to the post and putting on a wicked spin move to the bucket… and then missing the shot. Oh well…
July 15th, 2009 at 11:56 am
I think that 8ft of pee maybe some kind of record! You should be proud of Dougal. Once he takes his talent outside it may be time to call the Guinness Book.
July 16th, 2009 at 7:52 am
this cracks me up. the 8 foot Pee!!!!!!!!!
Like Ken, i am definitely more cynical and crabbier, (but i think that has come from working for 20 years for the state teachers’ union.) And i wouldnt’ trade being 50 for being 20 for even world peace….well maybe world peace, (even i’m not THAT mean or selfish). But i wouldn’t trade it for millions of dollars, that’s for sure.
Though i wouldn’t mind being of the age where, like the Eagles song, Lyin’ Eyes, the lyrics read: “Pretty girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile.”
July 19th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Desperado, oh, you ain’t gettin no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they’re making you fierce
And freedom, oh freedom, well that’s just some people talkin
Your prison is walking without your friends here at Pierce
August 5th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
You gotta change your blog. I’m tired of being disappointed when i keep checking here and i’m still reading about that bald headed chick from the 80’s.
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