Thursday, August 6th, 2009...9:55 am
Rolling backpacks and the fall of western civilization
We all have crabby days, some of us even have crabby weeks. But, it’s a rare few of us who can live as Endurance Crabs, muttering under our breath, swearing, and generally making unpleasantness a way of life long term.
I’m well on my way.
Here are a few of the things I’ve been grumbling about so far this week:
• Rolling backpacks — Unless it’s loaded with wet cement, a backpack that measures 12 inches high and 8 inches deep cannot weigh enough to warrant wheels and a handle. And, if you’re 19, pick the damn thing up! You look ridiculous and weak, especially when I can see that it’s partially collapsed and so light it’s hopping over pebbles.
• Self-tanner — After three and a half of weeks of twice-daily applications of self-tanner (to prepare for my stint as a bridesmaid), the low-grade tan I had disappeared in…drumroll…three days. I want my life back!
• Harry Potter/Twilight — I don’t get it. I don’t want to get it. I just want to focus on the return of “Mad Men” on Aug. 16…because I know what’s really awesome.
• The Progressive Insurance Lady — The rancor I feel for this annoying woman cannot be measured in actual terms, but I would place it somewhere between Kim Kardashian and Nicholas Cage.
• The Blue Dog Democrats — “Going rogue” didn’t work for Sarah Palin and it doesn’t work for you tools, either. You’re just making us realize you’re a bunch of douches, so stop grubbing for headlines and do some actual work for the American people, not the big corporations.
More to come.
Faithfully,
Amanda “Crab Salad” Haines
2 Comments
August 6th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Amanda, ooooooooooooh, you so speak for me girl. You’ve got all my favorites here….. Harry Potter, Nicholas Cage, and that Progressive insurance lady all at the same time cracks me up!
So, whille we’re on the subject of commercials, i just blogged about how much i hate the Geico eyeball commercials. (I do like the Caveman ones, though!) and i must be watching too much HGTV on my vacation because i have to hear that old dude’s weird voice on those continuous Empire Floor and Carpet commercial one more time i’ll eat my hardwood floor, board by board. (Good thing this is my last day of vacation!)
And i SO hate the Potter series and while we’re on that subject, i hate the Twilight stuff AND i hate the Lord of the Rings too. Get real folks. I like movies about real life, stuff like The Family Stone, Rachel Getting Married, and Last Chance Harvey.
and Nicholas Cage has been one of my favorite actors to hate for a long time now. He’s not cute, he can’t act. (At least Keanu Reeves is cute.) and speaking of cute that can’t save an actor, I cannot stand Meg Ryan and sometimes i really want to punch Renee Zellweiger in her little pinched face.
and right on about the Blue Dogs. How the Democrats lost their teen spirit. You oughta resign from the party when Rush Limbaugh starts applauding.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
I walked by the storage room today and saw a rolling computer bag. All I know is….I wanted it!!!!
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